I do so love that boy...
A very wise friend of mine recently shared this conclusion with me. We are all here to share our stories with one another. That is the point. (Not 42, as I previously suspected.) I can make all the memories I want, trying new things and traveling the world, but if I have no one to share them with, it’s all pointless.
It seems I must learn to either like myself or accept that I do not like myself, and I must find someone I like who’ll like me, too.
(Do I really want anything to do with someone so tasteless that they like little old me? Really?)
Must stop belittling myself. I need to find good things, things I like about myself. Maybe it’ll be good for me as I go into the new year.
EDIT: I was only going to do 31, one for each day of December, but then Urban assigned homework. A list of 50 things. Shoshin decided I needed to do it, so… here it is.
- I like my vocabulary. “Belittle” up there makes me smile. Every time I whip an obscure-but-intellectually-awesome word out, I can’t help walking a little taller. I feel like an extensive vocabulary is an indication of a good mind. Literacy ftw, you know?
- I have good hands. I have long, thin fingers. Pianist hands, my mother says. The pads of my fingers are a bit calloused these days from playing bass guitar, but that’s okay. They have character.
- I am deeply loyal. I will do anything for my friends. My Mama Bear streak is something I am both mildly wary of and deeply proud of.
- I bake really well. I’m becoming a pretty solid cook, too, but baking? I’ve got that down pat.
- I give amazing back scratches. Instead of paying rent to continue living under my parents’ roof, I scratch Mom’s back. It’s a good deal.
- I know a little something about a lot of things. I am an aspiring jack-of-all-trades. I love to learn, and I love to pick up new skills and useful information and unique experiences. Party tricks, whoo.
- I have great hair, when it behaves. Really, I do. My hair is my big thing I put effort into, in terms of my appearance. Sure, I put effort into a lot of other things, but my hair… My hair is, like, my pride and joy in terms of my appearance. It used to be really gross, because I swam constantly, and I didn’t take care of it, but now it’s soft and pretty. I love the highlights, too. I got red highlights done a couple years ago, and they’ve grown in so nicely.
- I’m a great scholar. I’m good at making good grades. And I’m great at writing essays. Seriously, I am fantastic at essays.
- I am very responsible about substances. I refuse to drive after I’ve had even one drink (because I don’t know how much alcohol is in it or how much puts me over the legal limit, and I’d rather be safe than sorry), I refuse to ride in a car driven by someone who’s had even one drink. I don’t drink myself drunk; I know when to stop. I have never used drugs, and I do not plan to. It’s not for any religious or pretentious reasons; I have a number of personal reasons for not letting things get that far. I sure as hell don’t consider myself above people who do get drunk or use drugs or whatever. It’s just my decision.
- I make some great playlists. I do. I don’t have the Boy’s knack for creating CDs, but playlists I’ve got.
- I can do math in my head. It’s a thing. I pride myself on being able to do basic calculations in my head pretty quickly. I get strange looks for it.
- I can play bass guitar with some degree of skill. Well. I can play if I’m given chords for a song. Cheat sheets! I can’t play by ear. Sadly. But I played bass with the praise band at the church I work at for, like, a year. It was awesome. Seriously, there’s this high you get when you’re really hitting the bassline right, and you get in this rhythm under the electric guitar, and it’s like Wall-E and Eve flying in space. It’s beautiful, you know?
- I like to think I have pretty eyes. I’ve been told I have pretty eyes, at least. When I first got contacts, people were so surprised, because for so long my eyes had been hidden behind my glasses. That was nice.
- I have no shame regarding my tastes. I used to get kind of offended when people said I had bad taste because I liked something… Now I don’t care anymore. I like what I like. I like a lot of things. I don’t give a damn about whether something’s good or bad or indie or commercial… I don’t care. If I like it, I like it. Get over it. This pertains to everything from boy bands to chick flicks to TV drama.
- I have an amazing DVD library. Part of it’s on IHM, but that doesn’t allow for TV series, so it’s a seriously incomplete catalog.
- I can keep secrets like nobody’s business. Okay, usually you have to tell me it’s a secret first. But if you tell me, or if it’s clearly some scandy stuff, I will not breathe a word of it to anyone. Ever. There are just some things I will likely die knowing.
- I am a great listener. This is one of those other areas where you sometimes have to tell me to shut up and let you talk… Because sometimes I feel like a conversation requires input and advice. But I am always ready to listen and offer a shoulder to cry on, Kleenex to snot in and cocoa and cookies to nibble on.
- I don’t judge. I mean, okay, we all make judgments about people… But I am not a judgmental person by nature. I firmly believe that any trait about any given person is only one facet of that person, and there’s so much more there. And, seriously? Black, white, purple, European, Mexican, Indian, straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, transsexual, female, male, poor, rich, jock, geek, stoner, pierced, tattooed… Sure, the labels may tell me something about a person, but they certainly don’t tell me who a person really is. I get to know people before I make those calls.
- I got a tattoo. It was something I wanted, and I finally decided, “To hell with other people. I’m getting it done.” And I did.
- I am a huge nerd. I sometimes correct people on grammar. I can’t bear to part with my AP Calculus notebook. I had to have a talk with the Boy one day because he made a comment that only men could be colorblind, and that’s just not true. Science and math = love.
- I’m really metacognizant and introspective. I think a lot about my words and actions, my motivations, my behaviors, my abilities and strengths and weaknesses. (I’m starting to wonder, based on the difficulty of this list, if I spend enough time contemplating my strengths, but… that train of thought is vicious and cyclical, so we won’t go there.)
- I recognize my weaknesses, and I work on them. I believe in bettering myself.
- I am extremely open-minded. I am always open to hearing other people’s opinions and beliefs. It’s very possible that they know something I don’t.
- I have a profound appreciation for the little things in life. I learned the necessity of the glorious little moments years ago, and it changed my life.
- I’m very empathetic. I can put myself in other people’s shoes easily. This makes me a great person to talk to. It also makes me a horrible person to take to horror movies. I get so involved in the characters, and I imagine what they must be feeling… It’s not pretty.
- I am amazing at jigsaw puzzles. Seriously. Try me.
- In the car, I can, in fact, sing on key. Mostly. My range isn’t great, but I know my limits. And within that range? I can totally stay on key. My voice isn’t pretty, but. Hey. I’m a better singer than some people. Tone deaf people break my heart.
- I still have some of my Southern accent. It’s not nearly as bad now as it was when I was younger, but it definitely sneaks into my daily speech sometimes. It gets really bad as I get away from the South, too.
- I really am one reasonably cultured chick. I love plays, Broadway shows, art galleries (if I like the art), museums, opera, the symphony, rock shows, movies, documentaries (sometimes) and poetry readings. (Ballet, however, has lost a lot of its appeal to me; countless dance recitals when my sister did ballet and the like did me in.)
- I am fantastic at finding information. Or. Things. (Arrrrrr!)
- I am deeply compassionate about people and animals alike.
- I have a great, if twisted, sense of humor.
- Supposedly, I give great hugs. I like to think this is true.
- I’ll be honest. I love my ear piercings. It’s silly, but I really do. I have two holes in each ear. My dad flipped when he saw the second holes, but, seriously… I love them.
- I have a very profound memory. My first memory is of the day my little sister was born. Since then… I remember all sorts of little things, things I used to love or things that have affected my way of looking at life. (I can not, however, remember that someone called and left a message for one of my parents. Hmm.)
- I can multi-task like nobody’s business. Ask the Boy. He’s seen me do it.
- I read really quickly. At least, I do when I get big blocks of time to sit down and do it.
- I can read a map and navigate really well. This makes me seriously useful when traveling. (Seriously, I was shocked to learn that some people never learned how to read a map. Ever.)
- I am a very in-control driver. I know my car, and though riding with me is a little wild it’s always under control. I love my turns.
- I’m a very patient teacher. I had to teach my sister most of high school, after all.
- Usually, mothers love me. I am often the friend who is a “good influence.” I’m going to ignore what this says about my selection of friends.
- I can do Calculus. Or I could do it. Once. I scored a 4 on the AP Calculus test. I rocked that bitch.
- I can still read in Latin. Some. My vocabulary is weak now, because it’s been so long, but I still remember a lot of the grammar and rules and all. Given a dictionary, I can totally translate Latin passages.
- I can label every part of a sentence. Every word according to the part of speech. It’s a talent. A useless, nerdy talent, but a talent nonetheless.
- I can tie a cherry stem into a knot. I’m a little rusty these days, but I can do it. It’s a fun party trick.
- I can knit. I’m serious. One summer, I decided on a whim to learn something unusual, so I got a book and some needles and some yarn, and I learned to knit.
- I’m the stealthiest gimp in the world. I’m good at sneaking up on people, but I’m even better when I have my cane. Don’t ask me why. I’ve scared the Boy on a number of occasions. And there was the time I picked up soup for my sickie friend, ninjaed it onto her door step and fled before she could find out who it was. That trick was how I got my Gimpy Ninja title. I love it.
- I can sleep through just about anything. Class. A train ride. The fire alarm. It’s useful, okay?
- I still know what oxaloacetate, nucleotides, carboxyl groups and lysosomes are. Do you?
- I really am quite geeky. I love sci-fi and fantasy, comics, science, math, cartoons, video games… I always have, and I always will.
